Nobody Messes With My Hair
by Kyuumaster6000
Summary: The ninja must infiltrate and plant a spy in the midst of a crowd, but alas, with their most recent effort to save the city, even their most secret of their aliases has become compromised. Such as it is, they must rely upon the Fire Ninja and his self control. However, this single incident sends sparks of curiosity amongst his teammates. Writers of Destiny help us all.
1. Chapter 1: Undercover

Chapter 1.) Undercover

The dingy bar was not exactly packed at this time of day. It was a little into the evening, still there were a decent amount of patrons. The ancient security camera jittered quickly for a moment before continuing its designated swiveling surveillance. If anyone had payed it any mind, it would simply be shrugged off as a technical glitch; the place was old, after all.

Meanwhile aboard The Destiny's Bounty, three onlookers watched their nindroid friend put the final touches in the hacking program he had implemented.

Zane was still typing away at the command console as he addressed the team at large. "We're in. P.I.X.A.L. has the security system in stasis at the moment. Visuals are set."

"Okay, we're going to need audio to back that up. Nya, where's our spy?" The Master of Earth glanced his teammate.

"He just walked in." The Water ninja pointed to a young man who had entered the establishment. The old camera was a little hazy but they could clearly see his pouting expression framed by brown, shoulder length hair.

"I thought Kai was supposed to be out bug. Who's this guy?" Jay leaned over Zane's shoulder, trying to get a closer look.

"Jay...That is Kai."

A brief pause filled the room as the others did a double take.

"WHAT?!"

"No way!"

"My system detects amusement and disbelief."

"My readings are similar." P.I.X.A.L., from her vantage point inside the computer, was was clearly a giggling.

"...I will leave right now if you all can't concentrate." Kai growled.

"Seriously, is anyone recording footage of this?"

Kai looked directly at the camera, his eyes growing wide. "Cole...Why..."

"Hey you recorded him singing at Dareth's bar, didn't you?" The Lightning ninja snickered.

"No, Jay, that was you." Zane corrected his friend helpfully.

"Come on team, I think someone said something about focusing?" Nya rolled her eyes.

Kai wandered further in. "Oh right. I can't stay out like this too long."

"Why? Afraid it'll end up on the cover of Ninjago monthly?" Jay battled with himself to hold in more laughter.

"Stop worrying, you big baby. Look, one of the marks is already there." His sister directed his attention to a tall, cloaked individual seated at the end of the bar.

Kai shuffled his way to the back, taking care not to catch the eyes of the patrons. As he sat in a booth near the back, the television screen in the corner flickered, the program switching to commercial break. Kai inched closer to his mark then froze as he heard a voice rise above the small crowd, demanding the adoring attention of all who could hear it.

"Oh no, not this ad again!" Kai covered his ears and buried his face into the sticky wooden table, recoiling slightly at its touch.

"Well, at least the song is catchy." Cole hummed quietly in the background along with the music. "Lar Lar Lar, he's a superstar..."

"Well, that is the purpose of advertisement. Algorithms set to not only convince the viewer of its value, but also to be so memorable that it stays in the back of your subconscious long after the original-"

"Original? Zane, There is nothing 'original' about that copying, conning, slimy, shady, smooth as sandpaper-"

"Kai, keep your voice down, we're trying to listen."

At his sister's request, Kai grumbled into a resentful silence. The hooded figure was greeted by a smaller individual wearing a conical that hid their eyes.

"Huh." Cole turned to Nya, surprised. "I thought you'd still be as angry as him. Didn't he pose as the Mater of Water until you showed up?"

"I am NOT-" The Water Ninja took a deep breath before continuing in a lower tone. "Sure, I could be angry that he conned people into thinking that all the hard work I went through was his, and sure, I could be furious at how easily the masses were swayed when he 'claimed' that he had mixed up elements because that is SO EASY-" another deep breath. "Livid enough to punch his perfect teeth out... but I'm above that. We have a mission now." Nya smiled sweetly then faced the screen one more.

Jay caught his friend's eye, mouthing for the Earth Ninja to drop it. Not needing to be told twice, he gulped and nodded.

The voices of their targets came in, the Fire Ninja's closeness droning out the advertisement. In a few minuets their meeting ended and the inconspicuous individuals separated. Kai was already heading for the exit and beat them outside, brushing the shorter one and muttering an apology, leaving before the stranger had a chance to get a good look at his face.

"Mission a success. We now have- Kai? We still need you to tail the shorter one." Zane switched video surveillance to a street camera, following the Fire Ninja as he duck into an ally.

"Nya gave me a tracker bug. It's fine."

"That was not the plan."

"Sorry Brobot, but I'm not staying out here any longer than I have to be. The Police Commissioner will have to settle for auditory proof."

"I'm on my way to the pick up point. I'll be there soon." Nya's voice came over the intercom. The others looked around finding the ship's room Nya-less. When had she slipped out?

"Great! Not to rush you or anything, but I only have about a minuet left." There was no disguising it now, Kai definitely sounded nervous.

"Wait, what?" Jay squeaked apprehensively.

"See you guys later!" With that, Nya cut their line off.

Jay squinted at the computer display. He was at a loss for words but didn't stop him from trying to fill the awkward silence. "Well that was weird. Anyone else think that was a little weird?"

—

Jay slammed his hand down on the side table as they waited for Kai to be done with the bathroom the next morning. "The daily meeting of the Brotherhood Of Patience shall now come to order!"

"You know, with how often this ship has been repaired and remade, you'd think we'd add a second restroom." Cole yawned and groggily scratched his cheek with his forearm. He had brought mugs of coffee for himself and Jay. He sipped from his own mug, the words World's #1 Dad almost completely faded from the ceramic sides.

"Good morning to you both as well." Zane said brightly.

Although he did not need to freshen up like his teammates, he still enjoyed the experience of partaking in basic maintenance along side his brothers. The same held true for their shared sleep cycle. Between his abrupt awakenedness and Jay's natural energy, Cole was the only non-morning person in this group, despite years of rising early to train.

"So first order of business: Why doesn't Kai usually keep his hair down?"

"Um, because he's Kai?" Cole yawned again, shoving his friend's mug into the Lightning Ninja's hands. "I don't know, it's like asking why I like cake; it's a part of who we are."

"Might I remind all of you that how Kai chooses to stylize his hair is up for him to decide. We must respect and support his choices for his personal appearance." Zane was as levelheaded as ever, even at six a.m.

"But come ooon! He always hogs the bathroom in the morning! You'd think if he cared that much he'd get up earlier so that we wouldn't have to WAIT SO LONG!" Jay shouted his final words at the door to his left, just behind Cole, getting no response.

Cole dug a finger into one ear and twisted it trying to stop the ringing. "As loud as Jay is, I have to admit he's got a point. I usually have to wake up at three to brush my teeth if I want to get to morning exercises on time. Thank Ninjago that Lloyd, Misako, and Master Wu are out on a study mission so we can get some extra sleep."

"I will admit, his reaction to our most recent stealth mission does peak my curiosity. Perhaps if he will not listen to your opinions, should you go to someone who is closer to him?"

"Naw, I'll just talk to Nya. Morning, Nya!" Jay jumped towards the Water Ninja who was exiting her sleeping quarters.

"Did Jay not sleep well last night?" The nindroid turned to Cole who seemed to be climbing his way more firmly back to consciousness.

"Why are you asking me? He was probably up all night letting this build up."

"Morning Jay. What's up?"

Taken off guard by the question, Jay began to babble. "Up? Uh, why would anything be up? I mean we're in the sky on a flying ship, so-"

"You've got something on your mind?" Nya smiled wryly.

Jay steadied himself before continuing "Well, ya. Look, the rest of us were wondering if you could maybe... possibly... talk Kai into not worrying about his hair, just for a day?"

Nya's smile flickered. "Sorry, I can't."

"Oh come on, you've got a better shot of convincing him than us."

"Jay, I said no. Kai has to keep doing this, trust me."

"But why? He doesn't look awful or anything!"

"Meh, average at worst." Cole added.

"I heard that!" Kai's voice echoed out from the room behind them before resuming his singing. "Hmm mm mm, he's a super-DANG IT!"

Cole, more conscious and therefore more onboard with the aspect of getting more time to prepare for the day, chimed in. "We're warning you now Nya, if this doesn't end-"

"Never!" Nya cut him, off her smile vanishing into a serious frown. "Look, I can't expect you guys to believe me if I did tell you. I can hardly believe it and I-" she cut herself off before continuing. "Whatever you do, it can't be worse than what would happen if Kai can't fix his hair." Nya stormed past them on rout to get herself a mug of coffee from the kitchen.

"Well...now what?" Despite his strong words, Cole didn't have a plan what to do next. Jay, on the other hand, did.

"Now? Now it is time for drastic measures..."

Later on that night, the three made sure both Ninja of Fire and Water were sound asleep before making their move. Silently they crept into the restroom and began to their search. At first the idea that all of them were needed for this excursion seemed silly, but they soon found that Kai's emergency backup hair products were many in number, quite a few being hidden away in hidden compartments and behind fake boards.

"This feels like a breach of trust." Zane's lowered voice came from the secret basin under the shower.

"That's because it is." The Earth Ninja did not feel great about taking his friends things, but he sympathized too much with Jay to let this opportunity pass.

Jay shook his head, chewing on his lip nervously. "Nya and I could tell each other anything. The fact she won't tell me about this... I've got to know what's so horrible about Kai going one day without worrying about his hair!"

"While I do not agree with the methods we are using, I am curious. Do you remember the situations we were trapped in when hair jell was in short supply?"

"Um, no?" Jay scratched his head.

"Kai had begged Zane to help keep his hairstyle with his ice powers." Cole accentuated his point by jerking his thumb in the direction of the Fire Ninja's bedroom.

"Oh right! It's coming back to me. Yikes, he looked pretty worried!"

"You all will have more to worry about if you don't put all of those back right now." Nya's voice was so low it resembled ominous thunder

"Gasp. Nya!" Zane nearly dropped the ten bottles of conditioner he was holding.

"I won't tell Kai, but I can't let you do this. Put them back."

"Then talk him down." Cole stepped forward only to be halted by the Water Ninja's pricing stare.

"No. This is low, especially for you two." She directed her glair pointedly at Zane and Cole.

"Hey..." Jay said sheepishly.

"Zip it. We can talk about this in the morning."

"It is morning. One forty five to be precise," Zane added helpfully.

"Just tell us why." Jay looked at Nya pleadingly. Nya, oddly enough, averted her gaze.

"I... It won't change anything."

"Why not?" Jay took a step forward. "I thought we told each other everything..."

"Jay... I already said you won't believe me. Just trust me on this one."

"I see. You leave us no other choice then." Cole's face hardened as he made his way to the small window of the room, arms still full of toiletries.

Water from the faucet burst forth, forming itself into a thin but impassable barricade. "Don't. You. Dare. Cole, be smart about this."

Cole stood stock still, back still turned to her. Then... "Jay, Zane, you hold her off!"

What followed was the most incredible undocumented battle to ever grace the skies of Ninjago. When dawn finally broke the next morning, the sun only continued its journey into the sky out of sheer habit. It would have winced out of sympathy if it could. Just outside the bathroom, the Masters of Ice, Lightning, and Earth were all hogtied and duffle bagged in a pile a little ways away from the bathroom door.

Kai sleepily shuffled passed the pile of barely conscious teammates, oblivious in his morning haze.

"We...failed." Jay crocked, face wedged up against the wall.

"Not quite..." From his compromising position, Cole managed to lift something from behind his back and show it to the others.

"Is that... When were you able to sneak that in?!" Jay groaned in either astonishment or pain, it was hard to tell.

"When we were finding bottles of store-brand hairspray behind a key coded locked cabinet behind the mirror."

"So... Who's going to untie us?"

"I am already on it. Good morning P.I.X.A.L." Zane greeted the ship's AI pleasantly as a small vacuum droid rolled up towards them.

"Zane I received your- what in all of Ninjago happened here?"

The trio looked at one another. It was a chore but they managed it.

"With luck, victory." Cole said grimly.


	2. Chapter 2: Let Your Hair Down

Later that same morning the three would-be ne'er-do-wells sat glumly over their respective plates of pancakes, their stomachs already filling up with guilt. Jay was wringing his hands anxiously, nervous sparks flying off randomly.

"Ow! Hey!" Cole winced as a few errant sparks hit him.

"Sorry, I just... I feel so bad about going behind their backs. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

"But Jay, this was your idea." The nindroid placed extra blueberries on to his friend's plate, handing it over to the Lightning Ninja.

"And I'm willing to admit it's not one of my best!" Jay continued to stuff his mouth while lamenting their current situation.

"What is done is done. If you feel guilty, you should tell her the truth."

"But she won't tell me the truth, only that it's bad! Arrrgh! I hate feeling like this! Deceit! Treachery! These are not good feelings!"

"We committed to this. You guys can back out. I've got an extra bottle of gel just in case we do." Cole had already polished off his plate but refused seconds. It was then Zane understood how badly this was effecting him.

"Uuuuuuhg, the suspense is killing me! And the guilt!" Jay's moans were quickly drowned out by a shriek.

"Oh right, we had that big T.V. interview today with Gale Gossip." Cole said dully.

"Triple gilt..." Jay hit his head on against table.

Their trip to the talk show was silent but intense. Kai had been distraught when his hair refused to sit up (thanks to most of the bottles' contents being replaced with water) but resolved to wear his hood and mask. Zane had offered to help out the Fire Ninja's situation, also feeling responsible for his friend's discomfort. But the Fire Ninja was so upset that the ice the Titanium Ninja he been trying to use melted immediately on contact. Nya glared daggers at the horizon, not looking at any of them, tight lipped. To make him more comfortable, she and Cole also wore their hoods.

The talk show started off well but quickly devolved into pointless questions about where their outfits came from and romantic relationships rather than training regiments or past battles. Eventually they found themselves talking about their new appearances, Kai and Jay taking point. The reason the ninja changed their looks while their teacher was had been missing was because they've already become so well known they couldn't walk around in public anymore.

Jay and Nya shared an imperceptible glance when this subject arose. They had suggested the change in appearance after what happened with an alternate timeline only the pair of them could remember, involving a shapeshifting magical being using their likenesses against them.

Kai had been strongly opposed against this for obvious reasons but after the incident with the Hands of Time and reuniting with his long lost parents, slowly become more comfortable with the change. Kai's hair was naturally spiky when it was short actually grew out her hair due to two factors: Skylor was an older sister/good friend roll model she looked up to, and after reuniting with her parents, wanted to try out her mother's long hair look. Of corse, she did not mention this on live television when briefly commenting on it.

Kai, usually in his element when talking about himself, was understandably sullen and tried to make a brave show of it. Finally, when they were beginning to announce the commercial break, he got up swiftly and made a bee-line for off stage. He was in such a hurry he bumped into some equipment two feet from exiting, his hood catching in an errant hook, presumably to hold some sort of camera. Jay immediately jumped up to help his friend. As his hands scrabbled to get the metal hook free, Kai's hood was suddenly tugged violently, coming loose and falling away.

Nya, (voice getting deeper as time itself seemed to slow to a crawl) cried out, hand out stretched. "Nooooooooo!""

"You...idiot..." Kai whipped around to face Jay.

Long, luxurious locks cascaded down in a waterfall of soft chestnut colors and golden light, thin threads of his brilliant main waved slowly in the wind, lengthy bangs brushing against his long, dark eyelashes. Anyone who was watching the broadcast, or in the audience, had their breaths collectively caught in their chests.

There was a few moments of silence, or was it several, summer-filled days? A skylight in the roof lit up, the sun beam falling around Kai, giving his hair a glowing effect.

Then there was a scuffle. Then another. People were stumbling over themselves to get closer, to get a better look at this magnificent creature that had appeared before them.

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" Nya shouted, throwing the similarly stunned co-host of the show gently into the crowed in an effort to slow the audience down.

The Ninja did so. Quick as a flash they were all flying toward the emergency exit, a stampede of adoring choruses hot on their heels. Nya tried to snatch up Kai's mask before the throng reached them but she was only seconds too late.

"Hello Master Kai, can I get you some more coffee?" An intern sidled up to him, hot mug already in hand.

"Uh, that's... that's not necessary..." Kai backed away as Zane and Cole fiddled with the door. Of all times for someone to lock an escape exit!

"Maybe a back rub? You seem a little tense..." said another from behind the Fire Ninja.

He ducked out of her clutches just in time, seeking shelter behind Nya, who had her spear drawn. The hordes began to press further, all of their eyes glazed over in admiration.

"Oh, I can get some scented candles!"

"Oh no, is something wrong. He looks cute when he's all panicked..."

"Cute?! He's gorgeous..."

"This way!" Cole finally managed to break down the door and the ninja spilled out onto the fire escape stares. With a quick hop, they all landed on the building roof adjacent to them and began running.

"What about the bounty?" Asked the Lightning Ninja, looking over his shoulder to see that they already had some more agile followers.

"No time." Nya shouted back, flipping over a water tower. "We'd have to be stationary for way too long for it to get to us!"

"What has gotten into these people?!" Cried Cole as they ducked down into an ally way and took a sharp left. He was now running next to Kai.

They took another right and stoped to catch their breaths. They could not hear their pursuers any longer, but something told them (that something being Zane's internal radar) that they weren't far off either.

"Well I- hey!" Ki snapped his fingers in front of his friend's vision which was beginning to cloud "Pay attention! A few years ago, Nya and I discovered that, if my hair gets too long, I become irresistible. Literally."

The rest of the ninja team tore their eyes away from the stunning display before them to share an instinctual glance witch each other. They knew that Kai did not have a modest ego by any means, but this? This was going a bit far. With Zane's logic processors attempting to accept the score of this revelation, P.I.X.A.L. spoke for him. "Why?"

The Water Ninja shrugged. "Trust me I stopped asking that a long time ago. Helicopter!"

The group dived under the overhang of rooms to avoid detection.

"It is dangerous to stay on one place for too long. This way!" Zane directed them towards to the roofs once more.

"But- But you went into the bar and everything was fine! Why did everyone suddenly react like that?" Jay attempted to add a bit of reason as they dove off a building to avoid being spotted, scaling their way down to a passing sky tram.

"The longer his hair is down like this, the more powerful its effect becomes!" Nya used her staff to pole vault and fling the others across a particularly large gap between buildings.

"Then, how come we're not?" Cole asked, landing on a thankfully deserted street corner.

"You are." Nya pointed down to a bouquet that Cole was holding. How had he gotten that? He screamed and flung it behind him.

Zane began relaying his thoughts to the group at large. "This is only a hypothesis, but could it be possible that since we are exposed to Kai more than the average person, we might have built up a limited subconscious immunity?"

"I'd buy that! Hurry, take a right!" Nya took the lead, cutting down another alleyway.

"So what should we do, give him a hair cut?" Jay panted, trying to avert his gaze from the Red Ninja in front of him.

"Touch my hair again and you're fighting them on your own," Kai said darkly.

After checking his pockets, Cole let out a groan. "I lost the hair gel in the struggle to make it out!"

They had reached a smaller line of cables connecting sky trolleys, similarly deserted, although by the sounds of the chaos behind them on the roof tops, it would not remain that way for long.

"Perhaps I can assist?" Zane reached out, fingers inches away from the golden brown strands.

Nya shouted in panic. "Zane DON'T-"

But it was too late. The Ice Ninja ran his hand though the soft mass, noting how pleasant the smell was. He felt himself falling into the pools of green that had become Kai's eyes, unable to pull himself out or look away.

"Zane! Noooooooo!" Jay fell to his knees, head in hands.

"Think of P.I.X.A.L., man, she'll- I don't want to know what she'll do to you!"

"No, please. I would love suggestions, Cole." P.I.X.A.L.'s voice echoed from over their communicators.

"It's too late for him, we have to leave!" Nya helped Jay to his feet, whipping tears from her eyes.

"Zane..." Kai looked away.

The nindroid couldn't bare to see his old friend so upset. He leaned forward, mentally going through all the things he could do to make Kai look at him again.

"Trust me, his brain has stopped responding to all and any logic. Hang on!" With a swing of staff, and with a little extra help from hyper pressurized blast of water, the cable severed.

As Zane saw them swing away, his vision zoomed in on Kai, the hypnotic dark strands streaking behind him in the wind, framing his face, his perfect jaw structure...

The gang was chased all over New Ninjago City until they eventually made it into a safe place. Skylor's looked up from behind the counter, seeing her friends topple over each other to get inside and start boarding the front doors.

"Um, hey guys? I thought you said you were coming over after the interview. It didn't end that badly, did it?"

"You have no idea." Nya then proceeded to explain the whole situation, which took about five minutes with others bursting in and adding their comments.

"Uh...okay?"

"'Okay?' 'OKAY'?! How can you be so calm about this?"

"Jay, breath, it'll be alright." Skylor put a consoling hand on Jay's shoulder. "I've had to deal with pretty weird things before, so I've learned just take life as it comes and roll with it."

"We can't stay here for long! They'll find us." Kai looked gloomily at the television situated in the ceiling corner for patrons to watch. It was now full of images of Kai. "Well at least we know Zane is keeping himself occupied."

"And we can't attack civilians! Even if they are hypnotized." Cole gesticulated to the boarded door.

"No problem. Follow me." The Master of Amber led them through the back rooms for staff untill they came to a small alleyway with a food vending truck parked directly next to the exit of the restaurant. She hid them out in the back, turned on the ignition and, as an after thought, went back inside to switch the shop's sign from open to closed.


	3. Chapter 3: The Fabulous Apocalypse

Skylor, Kai, Nya, P.I.X.A.L., Jay, and Cole carefully drove to reach the edge of the city, which had become a wasteland in the last half an hour, the talk show interview going viral, thanks to Zane's hacking skills, and was now on every big screen display the city could offer. The streets were mostly barren, occasionally the odd figure darting across allies or muttering to themself of all the things they could do to please Kai.

Jay, crouched in the back next to a small freezer, coughed." So... I'm just going to put this out here...Have you considered hats?"

"Ya no, they don't work," Kai said tiredly.

Nya courted off on her fingers. "Beanies fly off, baseball helmets are impaled, it's a massacre."

"Then why don't you wear one of our hoods?" Suggested Cole.

"Oh ya, a lot of good that'll do us." Kai indicated the electronic billboards flashing his terrified face. "They've already got my eyes memorized."

Skylor adjusted her rear view mirror to look at them. "This has happened before, huh?"

"When Kai didn't cut his hair, ya. It got worse as he got older."

They drove on slowly, nearing the city limits. P.I.X.A.L. was the one to break the silence.

"I may have a solution to this problem."

"Fire away, Pix." Kai said unenthusiastically. "I guarantee that we've already tried it."

"Very well. Since pictures of Kai are plastered all across New Ninjago City, it is safe to assume that they must have been sent beyond the city limits, seeing as you were the focal point of a nation wide broadcast."

"Great! Just perfect!" Jay threw his hands up in the air, slumping backwards.

"However, Borg Towers is the one place that could serve not only as a considerable stronghold but also the ideal location to upload a virus to infect a large scale of electronic devices."

"Oh. Oooh!" Nya clapped her hands together. "I think I know where you're going with this! Pix, you're a genius!"

"I have access to all of my creator's security systems and am already working on a program that will completely erase any trace of Kai's hypnotic hairstyle."

"Would that work?" Cole mused aloud, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

Skylor nodded. "It would stop it from spreading, and the longer no one looks at it..."

Nya finished her sentence excitedly. "We can wait it out in the tower! Is Borg, or any workers there?"

"It is a payed vacation day. There should not be."

Kai was beginning to smile again, warming up to the idea."Ya, hey, this might actually-"

"Heads up!" Everyone snapped to attention as Skylor adjusted her delivery uniform cap. "We've got a group of Fangirls coming in at ten o'clock.

"Typical..." muttered Jay.

As the horde neared, Kai caught a glimpse of them in the side mirrors. His face went pale. "Um, guys? These ones look kind of familiar- Oh. Oh no."

"What?" Nya asked quietly.

"They- they're long time fans of mine!"

"That would explain their current state." Jay pointed out.

They were like zombies, moaning the Master of Fire's name with wandering, open hands, reaching for their sacred idol. One of them took in a large whiff of air and the others halted, sniffing the air like their leader.

"Oh, sweet mother of- can they smell him?"

"Cassia and woodsmoke with an hint of cinnamon?" They all looked at Cole. "Sorry! I can't help it! It's so...tantalizing."

"I think he smells more like Red Hots and carnations..." Muttered the Master of Lightning.

"Okay, I don't care if it doesn't work, I'm wearing your mask."

"Shhh! They're coming this way, just act natural. Hello ladies," Skylor leaned out of the driver window, hailing the group. "Can we offer you some new Fire Ninja dango? Just finishing up a fresh batch!"

They all paused, considering this tempting offer.

"What are you going?" Kai whispered.

"If they smell you, then it's better to convince them it's novelty food, right?"

"I guess?"

The fans were, all in all, quite polite in their transaction. They waited silently outside as Skylor rolled and fried the dough in the cramped kitchen. One of them almost spotted Cole who, thinking quickly, donned a spare apron to assist the Master of Amber as a sous-chef. Kai was caught between seething jealousy and fear at seeing a ball of dough with the likeness of his head etched on to it be secured on long pikes.

Once they were finished, they thanked the customers for their business, wished them a nice afternoon and began to roll away as the horde began to feast. They were so close to being in the clear... if it were not for the bag of rice flower that was jostled free. As the white powder hit the ground, flakes of it floated up to Kai's nostrils. Before the others could react he let out a massive sneeze.

The sides of the vehicle were immediately beset by the throng, every member of which was offering some sort of handkerchief or cold remedy.

"There are too many, I might run one of them over!" Skylor gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"Gaaaaah! Why won't they stop! Please! Have mercy!" Jay cried out.

Cole stood up. "I'll give you a push to give you a head start. Go on without me!" He got ready to jump out the back, shoulders braced against the door.

"No Cole!" Jay tugged at his friend's gi, but it was clear that the Master of Earth's mind was made up.

"I'm sorry but it's only a matter of time before we give in too! The least I can do is say behind and hold them off for as long as I can..."

"Cole... I-"

"No, Skylor, don't thank me. I should have never gone along with this stupid plan. This is partially my fault and now I have to face the consequences."

She had been about to offer a small collection of tea cakes but only nodded solemnly, pushing the paper to-go bag into his hands. They would distract his mind from the Fire Ninja, if only for a limited amount of time.

With one last nod, he leapt out of the back of the truck, momentarily confusing the fans. In one swift motion, he gently tugged any who were in harm's way out of it and gave the truck a massive shove. Not for nothing was Cole's considerable super strength. Skylor slammed on the gas pedal and they were off down the road, and out of sight.


	4. Chapter 4: End Of The Line, Dreamboat

With Cole's sacrifice they made it to Borg Towers, wherein they began to make their way up to the room which PIXAL affirmed that they would be able to destroy the Kai-sensation. Unfortunately, Zane, in addition to spreading the face of his fellow teammate, had been tailing them using the city's security system and had partially taken over Borg Tower's security. Pixal quickly built up and reinforces, both physical and digital firewalls for the group, unable to get rid of Zane, but locking the doors and security system to prevent further Kai Fan access. Nya, Jay and Skylor stayed behind to deal with the Titanimum Ninja, Kai being sent to carry out the mission with a USB port, so as to not encourage Zane's resistance by remaining in eyesight of his friend. When they reach the facility floor they needed, he plugged her in, applying the virus...

"Huh... that was a little-" Nya began as the building lights dimmed, a sign that Kai had succeeded in his part of the mission.

"Don't say it!" Jay moaned.

"Ya, I know what you mean... too easy." Skylor looked over to Zane, lying prone on the floor. They had managed to hogtie him, the Master of Ice battling with himself mentally now that the subject of his artificial desire was out of sight.

"Aaaand you said it. Now we're jinxed."

Sure enough, the screens flashing outside Borg Tower did not stop their focus on the Fire Ninja.

"It appears as though P.I.X.A.L. has fallen for Kai as well, trapping him while trying to keep him away from the others. The 'virus' was actually an enhancement to avoid destroying anything with his face on it." Zane said dully, still trying to gain control of himself.

Floors above, Kai was doing everything in his power to leave the room he had plugged the USB into, but to no avail. "Please...P.I.X.A.L...don't do this. Stop."

"I am Kai. I am stopping everyone from bothering you. Here you are safe, with me..."

So infatuated she was, that the A.I. payed no mind to Jay, Nya, and Skylor who were making steady progress through the security system, which has officially turned on them.

As they reached the next floor, Jay began to lag behind, catching sight of a small television planted into the upper corner of the hallway. Through it, he could see his friend's face clearly, cheeks glowing ever so slightly. Evidently, someone online had slowed down footage of the Ninja, editing in cherry blossoms and faded out the background.

He staggered and leaned against the wall, using all of his mental fortitude to wrench his eyes away. He couldn't succumb to Kai's visage, not when they were so close!The others noticed their friend's lack of speed and doubled back, kneeling beside him.

"I- I don't know how much longer I can take this..."

"Quick in here!" Skylor ducked into one of the nearest doors of the hallway, helping Nya host Jay in. This room was devoid of any screens, lit only by a few small stage lights. They appeared to be in an experimental broadcasting room.

"Maybe we can't delete the footage, but we can override it!" Nya panted, reinforcing the barred door with boxes and creates.

"But how? With what?" Then a desperate spark on an idea popped into Jay's head. "The song!"

"Come again?" Skylor was perplexed as Nya groaned.

"Think about it! It's an earworm. Like Zane said, algorithms or whatever!" The Lightning Ninja scrabbled to one of the cameras, his long suppressed experience with game shows coming into play. "I used to help run these things, I think I know how they work."

"Jay, even with your tech know how, and my programming skills, we can't overpower THIS with a catchy jingle! Unless..." She turned to the Master of Amber, a hesitant expression creeping across the Water Ninja's face. "Skylor?"

"Yes?" Their friend was still a little out of the loop but was willing to help.

"You've got the Master of Form and Sound's powers, right? How good are you at singing?"

Scarcely ten minutes later, they were ready to start. Nya gave the signal for Jay to start rolling the camera as she began typing away at a desktop computer in the background. Smoke began to emit from the small background set up they had rigged as a fabulous blond man in a dynamic periwinkle and silver bodysuit strutted out into the camera's view. He gave a roguish wave, pale blue eyes twinkling with a disarming charm, and flashed a smile that had been awarded as Ninjago's Most Sincere.

"Hey kids, and all you lovely folks out there. Master of Steam, here. You know, it isn't easy being the best looking action movie star that does his own stunts! But I'd never dream of doing anything less than giving the people what they want."

He gave a smarmy, audible wink as he continued. It really was amazing how he managed to display every single one of his perfect pearly white teeth without looking like a yawning hippopotamus. The Master of Amber was certainly good at impersonating people, even if she had never met them.

"That's why I'm excited to announce that I'm going to be hosting my own new game show: Stars with Lars. Yes, that's right, every week I will invite several lucky contestants onto the stage to challenge me to a Karaoke/Dance pad idol-off. Oh! And internet sensation, N-Pop Girl will be there too. As my co-host, or something.

"Be sure to tune in to find out how I tricked all of you sheep into believing that I was an Elemental Master and what I really think about the Ninja! Here's a spoiler: It's rude, insulting and manipulative!

"Anyway, enjoy this steak peek at what we at the studio have been cooking up."

Some repetitive music came blaring threw the earpiece Skylor was wearing. She began to dance, following Nya's movements from behind the camera as Jay continued to record.

_Who comes from a cloud of searing steam_

_Know that he's not just a hero, he's a dream_

_He's hotter than fire, cooler than ice, _

_faster than lightning, rocksteady and so nice!_

_He's Lar, Lar, Lar, he's a superstar_

_Beating up bad guys on top of a speeding car_

_He's got charm and style_

_He's first class, drives the ladies wild _

_He's Lar, Lar, Lar, he's a superstar~_

As she tried not to gag, Nya ducked down and hacked into the main output of the tower. Converting the signals, she allowed the mock advertising to be broadcasted and computer algorithms did what they do best. Every screen holding visages of Kai flickered and was replaced by the obnoxious music and over saturated, gleaming smile of Lars.

"Was all that preamble necessary?" Skylor asked, her voice retuning to normal as she walked out of the camera's view, transforming back into herself with a shudder.

"We wanted to make it as indistinguishable from the genuine article as possible." Nya said apologetically, handing her friend some bottled water. "You did great, considering the material. You're a life-saver!"

"Mmm hmm. And I take it the part about him admitting to be a cheep conman was...?"

"Some creative liberties." Nya gave an innocent smile and the three laughed.

"This feels like a big violation of something. Several somethings." Jay rubbed his arm self consciously.

"Who cares? This is the only way we can win this." Nya sighed and continued to her red headed friend. "I'm so, so sorry about this, Sky."

"Don't be. We needed to stop this no matter what."

"Once everyone's wiped clean, I'll ask Pix to delete it permanently." Jay looked outside at the dazed, groggy people, rubbing their heads and looking slightly befuddled.

No one remembered anything of the incident accepting the Ninja crew, who were briefed by Kai, Nya, Jay, and Skylor. As they headed home, they dropped by the store, picking up a large amount of hair care products, to replace Kai's original stash that was lost to the drains of their ship. They left with their physical and metaphorical pockets considerably lighter.

Later that evening, the Master of Fire emerged from the safety of the restroom, hair sculpted back to its previous spiky style.

Nya let out a sigh of relief, leaning against the table where Jay was sitting. "Thank goodness that's over."

"You can say that again. Nya?" Jay, who was seated next to her, gave a small smile.

"Mm?"

"Are you still mad at me? Because I have a list depending on how mad..." He trailed off as she turned to face him. "Oh. You're that mad..."

"No... just tired. I'm grateful everyone's safe but I wish you all would have listened to me."

"Ya... I wish we had too. It was kinda stupid in hindsight."

"'Kinda'?" Nya raised a solitary eyebrow.

"Okay, alright, definitely on the list of worst ideas I've ever had. So... sorry?"

Kai put his hands akimbo, tapping his foot impatiently. He felt the apology was partially directed at him but he could feel the intimacy Jay was trying to convey to Nya. The whole experience was making him feel extremely uncomfortable.

Nya bit back a laugh and put a hand on Jay's shoulder "Apology accepted."

"Yay!"

"If-" Nya put up a finger.

"Oh no..."

"Oh yes. If you forgive us."

"What?"

Nya looked at her brother who nodded and leaned against the doorway. "We should have been honest with you all from the start and not keeping the reason a mystery."

"Well, to be fair, the reason was kinda stupid too." Jay hurried to elaborate. "I mean it was totally valid! But it was just so crazy... but I probably wouldn't have started all of this. Maybe?"

"Me neither." Cole came up behind Kai, giving him a hearty thump on the back and beginning to guide him out of this awkward scenario smoothly. "I owe you both an apology too. I think I got a little carried away with replacing hair stuff with water."

"Where's Zane? Shouldn't he be here too?" Kai asked.

"I think he's busy apologizing to P.I.X.A.L." Cole scratched his chin, contemplating.

Meanwhile Zane was almost in tears, babbling to a very bewildered and confused P.I.X.A.L. Zane requested he tell her what happened himself but found his emotions quite unstable once he began to explain.

Back with the rest of the crew, Cole shrugged. "I'm sure he'll want to say sorry too."

Just then a familiar voice came in over their communicators. "Calling the team. Come in Ninja. Guys? Are you there?

The team were drawn around the main communications hub, Jay responding to the voice of their leader.

"Lloyd! We're here!"

"Guys! Thank goodness. We've gotten nothing but that stupid commercial over the waves."

"Oh uh, ya, that's everywhere now isn't it..." Kai was about to rub the back of his head, stopping himself before he made a grave mistake.

Nya giggled and turned back to the large communicator hub. "Where are you now? How was the study session?"

Misako's voice came in. "Five minuets out from your location. We managed to get some excellent information in the Libraries of Nomu but we missed your interview, unfortunately."

"Hehe, ah well, darn, maybe next time you could join us, eh, Champ?" Jay laughed nervously, thankful their friends couldn't see his expression.

"Hey, I'm just glad I didn't have to be there. I swear if I hear one more person asking me about my actual age..."

"We're just tired from the trip." Lloyd's mother's voice took over in a consoling manner.

"How did your observation mission go? I trust all is well?" Wu's calm tones greeted his students pleasantly, returning their minds to their duties.

"Well... ya sure let's go with that." Nya coughed.

Kai steered the conversation towards a different route."By the way Sensei, we've been meaning to ask you about the possibility of some new additions on the Destiny's Bounty..."

The End*

*Until Kai runs out of hair care products again.


End file.
